Desperately seeking Gouranga

A few months ago, the Royal Mile was tagged with a bunch of bumper sticker signs reading, "Call out Gouranga and be happy!" I was rather annoyed with this for a couple reasons. First, it's vandalism, pure and simple, defacing private property. Dour, grey stone that has endured the Scottish weather for hundreds of years now stands facing the sky with a plasticized smile.

Even worse, it's not typical urban vandalism, gang tags, all anger and rage in a mass of protruding angles. Gang tags have a touch of artistry and craft, coolness under the rage. Taggers take pride in their creation. These Gouranga stickers just looked bad: big blue text on a field of white, something you'd type up on Word, turn sideways and print.

It's this glibness that I find jarring. Can happiness really be just a single word away? That's what the Krishna devotee implied when I spoke to her on the Mile the day before the stickers appeared. She said "Gouranga" means "be happy" but that just smacked of so much Bobby McFerrin-like banality that I refused to say it, even if it meant ending the conversation rudely.

Krishna followers are quoted in the press saying that "Gouranga" means "be happy" but that doesn't make sense to me. Does the sticker really translate to: "Call out 'be happy' and be happy"? At least McFerrin sagely says "don't worry" before pronouncing happiness. There must be more.

After some pokes and prods of Google, I found that Gouranga is capitalized for a reason. It's not just a virtue like happiness, but a divine name: "Gouranga is Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu." Apparently, he's the "personification of blissful pastimes. He possesses a beautiful, transcendental complexion as effulgent as molten gold. He is the distributer of the superlative mellows of Divine love."

Far be it for me to make theological assertions for Hare Krishnas, but I do have a grammatical suggestion. The sticker should read: "Call out to Gouranga and be happy!" I think we'd all appreciate a little more candidness in their advertising. I know I'd be happier about it.

I get the same mixture of feelings too - moral indignation and grammatical cantankerousness - whenever I see the spray painted "Jesus love you" driving up the M1 from London. As much as I agree with the sentiment, I cannot justify the vandalism. I feel a little guilty though that I am more offended by the grammar...