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When asked “How are you doing?” the most common answer I hear is “Fine” or “Pretty good.” Can you guess what is the second-most common answer is? People say, “Tired.” Part of the reason I think is that there is a bit of virtue in being tired: “I’ve been working hard” or even “I’m really busy and, therefore, a productive person.”

In response to people saying “Tired,” I’ve been asking recently: Is that a “good tired” or a “bad tired”? After a bit of a pause, the other usually responds, “What’s the difference?”

I think there is a big difference. C.J. Mahaney writes a little about the difference:

There is a difference between being tired and weary. If I am tired, then sleep will bring appropriate refreshment and restore my strength. But if I am weary, sleep will be insufficient.

Mahaney is talking about pastors and ministry, but I’d suggest this is applicable for any believer. “Good tired” comes with a sense of accomplishment and being a part of something larger we think is ultimately worthwhile. “Bad tired” comes from a lack of direction or purpose and cynicism toward ultimate ends. “Bad tired” leads to a circling-of-the-wagons attitude: protect my time and energy at all costs against anything or anyone that would sap it while I do the bare minimum to get my job done.

To discern between between being tired (i.e. “good tired”) and weary (i.e. “bad tired”), Mahaney says (regarding pastors):

So if I was interacting with a pastor, I would want to draw him out about the present state of his soul, the presence or absence of affections and passion for the Savior. And I would want to talk to him about whether ministry is a joy for him at present, or a burden. Is his soul glad, or is his soul weighed down and weary?

For lay persons, I think it is similar. It is about the joy of work and the joy of ministry and cultivating a passion for God’s glory in the midst of it. (To bring work and ministry together, we’ll have to await a more detailed discussion about vocation, work and calling.) In the meantime, I’m a big fan of what Bill Hamel wrote in EFCA Today, Sum 2005 (.pdf):

…I constantly meet believers whose lives are dull, flat and without much spiritual influence. This tells me they have not yet found the joy and intense satisfaction of meaningful ministry. One of the greatest gifts, then, that church leaders can give members of their congregation is helping them discover, test drive and grow in their area of gifting. In fact, the job of pastors is to give ministry away to faithful, gifted people. …In the end, it is about releasing God’s gifts.

“The Absent are Safe Here” declares a plaque on the living room wall of Robertson McQuilkin, so the story is told by Haddon Robinson (and written about by Ray Pritchard). To deter himself and guests from speaking ill of others behind their back, McQuilkin put the plaque on display to look to when words drifted astray. I especially admire the list of types of negative talk Pritchard gives to avoid:

No cheap shots
No sharing of gossip
No repeating of rumors
No judging of motives
No sharing of details that should remain private
No trash talk
No insinuations
No angry invectives
No making yourself look good at the expense of others
No maximizing the sins of others
No adding aggravating details to make the absent look worse
No dismissing an unkind remark by saying, “I was only joking.”

If we all watched our speech with these rules, I think we’d go quite a way in building a community of trust and grace. I don’t know what McQuilkin’s plaque looked like, but I made a version for my cubicle. If you’d like a .pdf file, let me know.